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mayqueen517Today was pretty normal for my house.
I got up.
Took my thyroid meds--that are in fact still kicking my ass until I am used to them.
Ate dinner a bit after that.
Read until Mom got home.
Got on the comp for a bit.
Got the comp yoinked from me by Mom.
Spent the rest of the evening watching Leppard stuff.
We were watching In The Round, In Your Face, which isn't anything different cause we watch it alot lol.
But while we were, Mom made the comment that she could remember vividly being with her friends when she was younger than me, all cramped in the car. As in: people all over each other. That and riding down the road singing anything from "Rock Of Ages" to "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.".
And...it got me thinking...
Cause you see, I don't have many real life friends anymore.
For 1. I can't exactly get out of the house without a car. And it's too far to walk to a friend's house.
And 2. My nights consist of hanging out with my mom.
But don't get me wrong! My mom is truly the coolest person I've known. But...are my memories gonna be of hanging out with my mom when I'm older?
Not that that is a bad thing. But...it can't replace the fun had with friends can it? And it really hurt for some reason. Maybe it's the meds, or the fact that I'm getting over having my period but it had me upset to the point I just sat there crying while talking to Kelpie.
This is why:
This, in the pink dress, is Jamie.
She's been my best friend, and truly a savior for years. But you see, she doesn't like Def Leppard so there's no shot of us doing the Rock Of Ages thing down the road.
She's not a huge fan of AC/DC, but she also doesn't listen to alot of radio but she has a 10 cd changer in her car. She's a cool person. One of my absolute best friends.
But with her at school/work we don't get to see each other alot.
This, in the ugly flannel shirt, is the Bridezilla.
More commonly known as Christy.
She knows nothing about Rock Music.
She knows all the words to some celtic group that you can barely understand but she doesn't know the words to Stairway, Back In Black, none of it.
And when I would try to tell her she'd just nod politely and then start shoving that celtic stuff down my throat.
Which I suppose is why I don't care for it now.
Josh, while a sweetheart and Jamie's boyfriend, is more into the metal stuff. Like death metal and stuff. He's a HUGE H.I.M. fan. (he's also very pretty.)
But he's also more receptive than Jamie to new music.
Now Jimmy and Ryan, while very fun to be with in short periods of time are just getting into Leppard. And they also work and what-not. And my house is a good ways away from them so I understand.
My other friends from school? I haven't talked to most of them (save 1) since we graduated last May.
The rest of my friends? Right here on the computer.
Don't get me wrong, Jamie and Josh are great, and so are Jimmy and Ryan when they visit, but what I would give to have a few more people go with me back to Nov. 11 and the other days last year....phew.
I had my moments of being uncomfortable back in Asheville, but all of us did. They were just moments of doubt creeping up.
I didn't feel like I wasn't just the graduate who did nothing. I was with friends, something that I don't get to do too often anymore.
Midland, which is the little city that I live in, is about 30 minutes from Charlotte.
Our biggest thing is a Subway.
Pretty fuckin' depressing if you ask me.
There aren't many job opportunites, and to make it worse? The closest thing we have that I could get a job at pays next to nothing. It'd be a waitressing thing and it only pays 2 bucks an hour unless you're actually waiting on tables and then you get the tips.
Still ain't much.
But god...the shit with mom brought alot of this on. I don't have very many friends locally. She tells me about the shit she got up to and it makes me sad cause I haven't had nearly that much fun in ever.
Granted, yes, I'm only 18. But she did the stuff she's told me about before she was my age. Of course, I know it's wrong to compare my life to mom's.
I'm just scared of not being able to be me to anyone except the net.
If I'm myself around Jamie then we'd more than likely start sniping at each other which would lead to all out arguments.
Junior year I found out the hard way that we should head things off before they got HUGE.
We ended a phone conversation with me telling her that her father bought her love. Cause he does.
And she told me, "At least I have a dad around."
*wince*
So yeah, we didn't talk for about...3 months. Which is longer than hell. And it hurt so badly. So now, if there's a possibility of us sniping I try to just stop it before it starts.
Josh, while sweet like I said, is usually attatched to Jamie.
Okay, so yes, we have things in common musically and what-not. She likes Metallica, Zeppelin, etc. But sometimes I want what my mom had.
The only person I could get that with....I have no idea where he is. Kevin.
I want to so badly get back into contact with him.
This all sucks so much because it hurts. Hell, IF (and that's a big if) I have kids, I'll be some boring wench who knows nothing and they'll go to gramma cause she's so much cooler than me. And she is!
I'd much rather stay at home with mom than go out and do stupid shit. While I do like hanging out with mom, it would be nice to get invited to parties.
I've been there with Jamie when she's gotten invited to parties right in front of me and they don't even invite me cause they're scared I'll rat on them. They all seem to think I'm Miss. Prim And Proper. *snorts rudely*
I wish that like...all of us Rockficcers/LJers had this real place we could all go and just sit down with each other and hug and do all sorts of troublesome shit. Make the neighborhood really terrified. *mean snicker.*
Of course, if I had a car and license I could easily visit a few people at the least. I know for a direct fact that Heather AKA![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rockfic is only a 3 hour drive. But hell it's not like I could conceivably drive up there, even if I did have my license/car, for a hug and hang out time.
It sucks to be stuck down here in Midland. If we had a local newspaper for just Midland I would see about writing articles or something.
Not that I mind sitting at home writing fics when I'm able....but it's so boring. It's lonely too.
Very lonely.
It's almost like I'm scared to talk to Jamie too much cause she won't get some of what I'm saying.....and when I do talk it's about stuff on the net I thought she'd find interesting and she looks at me with this look of pity I guess. Like she's sitting there feeling sorry for me cause all I have is the computer. And I hate it. I hate it so much but it's true!
I can't exactly call people during school hours.
There's nothing here in Midland for me to even think about walking to.
I'm proverbially screwed.
And yes, it's a sort of Catch-22 situation.
But when I say there's nothing here....I'm telling the truth.
And I hate it. I wanna move to Concord or..or...something.
I got up.
Took my thyroid meds--that are in fact still kicking my ass until I am used to them.
Ate dinner a bit after that.
Read until Mom got home.
Got on the comp for a bit.
Got the comp yoinked from me by Mom.
Spent the rest of the evening watching Leppard stuff.
We were watching In The Round, In Your Face, which isn't anything different cause we watch it alot lol.
But while we were, Mom made the comment that she could remember vividly being with her friends when she was younger than me, all cramped in the car. As in: people all over each other. That and riding down the road singing anything from "Rock Of Ages" to "Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap.".
And...it got me thinking...
Cause you see, I don't have many real life friends anymore.
For 1. I can't exactly get out of the house without a car. And it's too far to walk to a friend's house.
And 2. My nights consist of hanging out with my mom.
But don't get me wrong! My mom is truly the coolest person I've known. But...are my memories gonna be of hanging out with my mom when I'm older?
Not that that is a bad thing. But...it can't replace the fun had with friends can it? And it really hurt for some reason. Maybe it's the meds, or the fact that I'm getting over having my period but it had me upset to the point I just sat there crying while talking to Kelpie.
This is why:
This, in the pink dress, is Jamie.
She's been my best friend, and truly a savior for years. But you see, she doesn't like Def Leppard so there's no shot of us doing the Rock Of Ages thing down the road.
She's not a huge fan of AC/DC, but she also doesn't listen to alot of radio but she has a 10 cd changer in her car. She's a cool person. One of my absolute best friends.
But with her at school/work we don't get to see each other alot.
This, in the ugly flannel shirt, is the Bridezilla.
More commonly known as Christy.
She knows nothing about Rock Music.
She knows all the words to some celtic group that you can barely understand but she doesn't know the words to Stairway, Back In Black, none of it.
And when I would try to tell her she'd just nod politely and then start shoving that celtic stuff down my throat.
Which I suppose is why I don't care for it now.
Josh, while a sweetheart and Jamie's boyfriend, is more into the metal stuff. Like death metal and stuff. He's a HUGE H.I.M. fan. (he's also very pretty.)
But he's also more receptive than Jamie to new music.
Now Jimmy and Ryan, while very fun to be with in short periods of time are just getting into Leppard. And they also work and what-not. And my house is a good ways away from them so I understand.
My other friends from school? I haven't talked to most of them (save 1) since we graduated last May.
The rest of my friends? Right here on the computer.
Don't get me wrong, Jamie and Josh are great, and so are Jimmy and Ryan when they visit, but what I would give to have a few more people go with me back to Nov. 11 and the other days last year....phew.
I had my moments of being uncomfortable back in Asheville, but all of us did. They were just moments of doubt creeping up.
I didn't feel like I wasn't just the graduate who did nothing. I was with friends, something that I don't get to do too often anymore.
Midland, which is the little city that I live in, is about 30 minutes from Charlotte.
Our biggest thing is a Subway.
Pretty fuckin' depressing if you ask me.
There aren't many job opportunites, and to make it worse? The closest thing we have that I could get a job at pays next to nothing. It'd be a waitressing thing and it only pays 2 bucks an hour unless you're actually waiting on tables and then you get the tips.
Still ain't much.
But god...the shit with mom brought alot of this on. I don't have very many friends locally. She tells me about the shit she got up to and it makes me sad cause I haven't had nearly that much fun in ever.
Granted, yes, I'm only 18. But she did the stuff she's told me about before she was my age. Of course, I know it's wrong to compare my life to mom's.
I'm just scared of not being able to be me to anyone except the net.
If I'm myself around Jamie then we'd more than likely start sniping at each other which would lead to all out arguments.
Junior year I found out the hard way that we should head things off before they got HUGE.
We ended a phone conversation with me telling her that her father bought her love. Cause he does.
And she told me, "At least I have a dad around."
*wince*
So yeah, we didn't talk for about...3 months. Which is longer than hell. And it hurt so badly. So now, if there's a possibility of us sniping I try to just stop it before it starts.
Josh, while sweet like I said, is usually attatched to Jamie.
Okay, so yes, we have things in common musically and what-not. She likes Metallica, Zeppelin, etc. But sometimes I want what my mom had.
The only person I could get that with....I have no idea where he is. Kevin.
I want to so badly get back into contact with him.
This all sucks so much because it hurts. Hell, IF (and that's a big if) I have kids, I'll be some boring wench who knows nothing and they'll go to gramma cause she's so much cooler than me. And she is!
I'd much rather stay at home with mom than go out and do stupid shit. While I do like hanging out with mom, it would be nice to get invited to parties.
I've been there with Jamie when she's gotten invited to parties right in front of me and they don't even invite me cause they're scared I'll rat on them. They all seem to think I'm Miss. Prim And Proper. *snorts rudely*
I wish that like...all of us Rockficcers/LJers had this real place we could all go and just sit down with each other and hug and do all sorts of troublesome shit. Make the neighborhood really terrified. *mean snicker.*
Of course, if I had a car and license I could easily visit a few people at the least. I know for a direct fact that Heather AKA
rockfic is only a 3 hour drive. But hell it's not like I could conceivably drive up there, even if I did have my license/car, for a hug and hang out time.It sucks to be stuck down here in Midland. If we had a local newspaper for just Midland I would see about writing articles or something.
Not that I mind sitting at home writing fics when I'm able....but it's so boring. It's lonely too.
Very lonely.
It's almost like I'm scared to talk to Jamie too much cause she won't get some of what I'm saying.....and when I do talk it's about stuff on the net I thought she'd find interesting and she looks at me with this look of pity I guess. Like she's sitting there feeling sorry for me cause all I have is the computer. And I hate it. I hate it so much but it's true!
I can't exactly call people during school hours.
There's nothing here in Midland for me to even think about walking to.
I'm proverbially screwed.
And yes, it's a sort of Catch-22 situation.
But when I say there's nothing here....I'm telling the truth.
And I hate it. I wanna move to Concord or..or...something.
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no subject
Date: 28 Feb 2006 12:27 (UTC)no subject
Date: 28 Feb 2006 12:52 (UTC)The reason we don't move is because the rent is very cheap where we're at.
And if I moved, I would have to get a job to afford somewhere cause god forbid the rich relatives part with a damned dime.
Right now, or until we get a second car, I'm stuck. Unless I could sell some photos. But I need a camera--happily enough though I'm content to use a disposable if I must. Not to mention May isn't that far off.(birthday)
no subject
Date: 28 Feb 2006 14:23 (UTC)Maybe there'll be some kickass shows this summer at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre, and Mark and I can swing by Midland and pick you up and we can all go together. :)
no subject
Date: 1 Mar 2006 06:48 (UTC)Now, to nab the artists and make them perform. *evil grin*
no subject
Date: 28 Feb 2006 14:25 (UTC)Know exactly what you're saying and feeling, hon. Where I come from it's the same story---no industry, nothing to do. I lost contact with almost every one of my HS friends almost immediately after I graduated and I was very lonely.
Although I have a few more friends these days, I still feel lonely at times because it seems like the only folks who understand me are, like you said, people here on LJ and on RF. You can't exactly talk about your latest slash fic to a person who is just the SLIGHTEST bit homophobic (not hubby)or who can't understand why you'd write stories in the first place.
{hugs again}
no subject
Date: 1 Mar 2006 06:50 (UTC)Right, I mean...Jamie is fine with slash and with me writing it, so I can mention it but she doesn't exactly wanna hear it. Which I can respect.
{hugs again back}
no subject
Date: 1 Mar 2006 01:17 (UTC)First. I've got 20 years on your ass, so stop being all fatalistic and decide what it is you want to do. You've got your fucking freedom, no kids, no debt, no sig other...you are free as a bird so fucking take hold of that and take a chance. On anything, everything. Just fucking do it.
The price I would pay to be 18 again.
FUCK.
Second, in this day and age, there is something to be said for online friends. The fact that we can meet and get along is fucking fantastic...so fantastic that it's not to be discounted. So you take that back.
Oh. And don't pass go, don't collect two hundred dollars. You tell that fucking Jamie that her little barb about how "at least she has a father" is fucking bullshit and you tell her to fuck the fuck off...
Cause real friend don't actively try and fucking hurt you.
Hank
no subject
Date: 1 Mar 2006 01:19 (UTC)I could give two shits about what anyone I knew in highschool thought about me now. fuck. Highschool. That was 20 fucking years ago...Puleeeeze.
Hank
no subject
Date: 1 Mar 2006 07:04 (UTC)I getcha Hank, and I really appreciate it. I did get a wee bit maudlin and stuff up there. *Wince* Thanks for not mincing the words, I'm glad to have a friend like you.
And I know I'm not tied down, and if I get the chance I will do something that I wanna do spontaneously. Lord knows maybe I need that excitement.
there is something to be said for online friends. The fact that we can meet and get along is fucking fantastic...so fantastic that it's not to be discounted. So you take that back.
Yes sir. Online friends are wonderful, all of you are so wonderfully treasured. Hell, lately, you've all been here more for me than the ones in real life. I'm glad to have met you guys and I'll always hold Asheville close to me. I can be myself around you and I shouldn't have counted these friendships out.
Cause real friends don't actively try and fucking hurt you.
At that time things between me and Jamie were stressed because (1.) At that point we had reached a fork in each other. I couldn't stand her and it was mutual. (2.) Because I had slacked off that day. and (3.) I did start it because of my comment about HER dad. So she doesn't deserve all the blame--and she knows now just how much it hurt me.
It's not that I worry about what they think, but I do wish those who had called themselves my friends would at least act like it you know? Call me, check up on me and stuff. I mean...sheesh.